Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Cold

Lately I have been so cold, frigid actually. It's not my attitude but the not so warm air around me. Last night I had four blankets on my bed. Four. I woke up today thinking that I never want to leave my blanket cocoon. I finally stepped out of my blankets and I about froze. I know it wasn't that cold in my apartment, but I was freezing.  I ran to the shower, hoping some how that I could get warm. The shower was heaven on earth. I finally got warm. Then I got ready for school and walked  to class. Frigid, below freezing temperatures were just so nice. I wore thermals every day last week and forgot to put them on today. I only walked for 15 minutes, but by the time I got to class, my legs, my ears and my chin were completely numb and tingling.  I soon found out after arriving at class that it was cancelled. I ventured out into the cold, frosty air once more and realized that I was frozen clear through. Now that I have had a chance to warm up, my legs ache. I dread going out in the cold and look forward to blankets (lots of them) and hot chocolate by the gallon.  I know that being cold in winter is normal, but it hasn't been this cold in Logan since I was a freshman. I don't know how to acclimatize for this weather. I'm hoping for an early spring because I'm not sure I can handle this awesomely cold weather any longer.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Dreaming

I had a dream last night. A futuristic dream of being married, of having a family. It was extraordinary in the ordinary. I woke up wishing I could go back to that dream, that feeling. I look around at my life and it is so good. School can be difficult and challenging, but I can honestly say that I'm not stagnating. I'm growing and changing and becoming the type of person that I want to be. I learn something new about myself every day.

For example, today was so frustrating right off the bat. I wanted to be back in dream land, but couldn't because of school. I rushed to campus to turn in an assignment. My assignment is awful. Last night when I was putting it together, I screwed up. It is a little booklet and I hole-punched the binding in the wrong spot and then I rotated the pages half-way through so you have to flip it over to even understand it. It is one of the worst things I have ever done, but I had it prepared so that I could turn it in. I get to class and find out that the teacher has moved the due date to next Wednesday. I'm so mad and grateful and just confused. I guess she got too many emails saying that we didn't have enough time to do the project, which we really didn't, but guess what I got it done anyway.

So here I am, I have so many emotions rolling through my head. I'm mad. The poor pansy's didn't have time, boo hoo. I'm grateful. I know I did a horrible job and this gives me 5 days to fix it and do it to my usual standard. And I'm so confused. Do I really want to put another 6 or 7 hours into a project that means nothing to me? You think I am joking, but I have already put 6 hours into this project and to fix it will take even longer. I don't want to fix it, I just want to forget about it and not do it, but then this teacher had us look at other students work.

Mine is definitely lacking especially compared to other students. So what will I do- more than likely I will fix what needs to be fixed and start over. Lucky me. Here's to learning about myself and dreaming of a world that is very far in the future.

Monday, January 7, 2013

A New Year!

I survived! I made it through 2012 and through the Mayan's end of the world! It was a difficult year full of many challenges. My dad asked my entire family over Christmas what we had learned from this year and what we remembered. There were several things that stood out to me. The biggest one was probably my Uncle Monte's death. That was difficult for me and my family. It still is. I don't think you really ever get used to the hole that is left when a loved one leaves this life.

There were other things that weren't as big, but just as important like my internships. I learned so much about who I want to be while I was taking care of them. I learned a lot this year about loving my self and being okay with who I am and who I am becoming. I'm so far from perfect that it is not even funny, but I am a continual work in progress.

So onto the New Year. I'm looking forward to 2013. I will finally be able to graduate this year and that is still at the top of my list for exciting events. My Sister got engaged over the holidays, so we are getting ready for her wedding as well as my Brother being released from his mission. Big events for all of us! Can't wait for the upcoming challenges and all those things that I need to learn.